Trying for an e-baby - Part 1

Every so often a real gem comes out of my random Facebook exchanges; people who really deserve their own blog. There's been the one and only Jaka. There's also been Muhammad Ali and his year-long quest to teach me Islam and make me his wife, Paulson Woles and his romantic ramblings, and who can forget Chad the Impaler and his bipolar switch from passionate lover to angry terrorist?

More recently there has been Ishola Akinpelu who also likes to be referred to as "Emperor". I call him "Em" for short. Despite being an obvious butt of jokes in one of the groups I'm in, and knowing all about this blog where I expose idiots and publish inbox exchanges online, he continues to be oblivious and has somehow confused my mocking satire with a genuine belief that we are in some sort of real relationship.

I've been keeping a satirical diary of our "e-lationship" in this group for sheer giggles and invited all members to our e-wedding. One of my very good e-friends, a complete twat who calls himself Eddie Trollman, went to the trouble of getting himself e-ordained and performing an e-ceremony for us. He even supplied us with an e-marriage certificate. Although I am rather disappointed he spelled "famine" and "reverend" incorrectly, I was very appreciative of his hard work and support.

Of course, once e-married, Em and I had to e-consumate the marriage. I am very keen to have e-babies (as long as it doesn't involve having an e-section) so having awkward, bumbling first time e-sex was inevitable. Unfortunately, Em was a bit nervous and couldn't get an e-rection. Being the loving and understanding e-wife, we talked at length about his e-mpotence. It turns out he was a bit nervous because he was worried I would screenshot our conversations and publish them on this blog and in my next book.

I'd have to be some kind of heartless, cruel bitch to do that...